“I’m No Leader” (Attira)

Note: The story takes place shortly after Chapter XII of KOTFE.


Dear Malavai,

This is letter number 74. Most of the previous 73 served as my way of putting my thoughts to order. Writing helped me turn the chaos in my mind into a linear string.

But this time… this time I really need your answer, more than ever. I need your opinion, situation assessment, calculations, and any other organised summary your military mind could provide. I need your genius strategic mind.

I am lost. Time to learn came again, and I cannot wrap my mind around the notions I must absorb. I fear to fail. I fear I don’t understand. I fear I cannot abandon the old ways, my ways for something that makes my insides scream with anger.

I always fed on my rage. Channelled it. Targeted it towards the enemy, and it was clear who the enemy was. Now, I’m asked to abandon it. I’m trying to redirect it toward the new enemy – the one who separated me from you – but it’s not easy to forget… or forgive the old enemy.

My teacher… teachers asked me a question. I’d known what answer they wanted to hear, and that’s the one I gave them, but it’s not what I wanted to say.

I know…no, I understand that I must learn to accept that it should be my answer. To absorb it as my answer. To make it my answer. But I can’t stop resisting the idea that my fate is written down, and I can’t do anything about it. I don’t want to be a puppet of any “fate”; I want to write the story of my life myself.

Should that Jedi come to me alone, I would dismiss her words if not outright kill her. I’d assume she wanted to corrupt me with her Jedi lies. But…Darth Marr earned my respect and trust, and if he tells me to do something, I want to do it. When the enemy and the ally tell you the same thing… I don’t understand how he could say refusing to bow to Valkorion was a mistake – I firmly believe the price of doing it would be a lot higher – but I’m hoping he meant something else. Still, his presence, his essence was sufficient for me to know that I should not refuse the Jedi’s… Satele’s words. If I can work with her son, and consider him a valuable asset, I can work with her as well.

I am no leader. I am no politician. I am no example. I am the Wrath. The Empire’s Wrath.

… Or is it the Galaxy’s Wrath now?

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